Release

contemplating how the pain runs deep
and the heart wants to explode
in fury, in rage, in expression
and announce to the world that I am here and I am real
and I feel deeper than most
and I dream, bigger than many
and I hope, with holy passion
and I expect, to stand in the cloud of glory
how I lament
that I can never be the man I want to be
so it seems
I can never arrive at that "place"
where everything falls into place
where I raise my hands and stand in glory
and lift my voice and utter authority
where demons flee and darkness trembles
at the mention of His name on my lips
I can never measure up to the standard I have created
so I cower in guilt and shame
I can never pray the hours I think I should
I can only pursue grace
I can never achieve all I want to achieve
I can only bow my knee
I am holding my hands to my face
as I try to hold back tears
that demand release
I hope and I pray, that I can remember this moment of surrender
and the love you are giving me now is a compassion 
I can one day give away
at the altar, I remember
the love you poured out on me
and now I pray, as I contemplate each harsh reality
that grace will come and whisk away
the depth of pain I feel today
and strength will rise and hold me up
with joy for another day