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Monday, June 11, 2012

the light of day

who knew these years would be filled with bitterness
anguish
grasping
yearning
panting after waters
searching for a well that does not run dry
sighing, heaving
my soul is gaunt
exasperated
rising from my sheets at 3 a.m.
heavy like a fog around my heart and mind
hot breath around me
all I can taste is darkness
it is thick like a cloud
and I have no want of sunlight
only dreams
where a river runs through the countryside
a clean, pure and steady stream
rolling through trees, past fields
rolling like my yearning for holy embrace
to be held in the arms of my Father
to be held inside his billowing laughter
to be squeezed in His pure arms of love
at the altar I sigh
a prayer I don’t expect to be answered
yet you surprise me
you speak to me in dreams
from the sky I hear your voice
calling me
this splendiferous sky, vibrant in color
I follow the river
through the air, like a bird, I follow
the deep river is calling
but who knew these years would be sullied by sorrow
sadness, yes, often like torment
I am longing for freedom
but it never comes
who knew the promise would be darkened by suffering
and the picture that I long for
is damaged like a wet photograph
O Lord, speak to me in dreams
remind me of love and why you brought me here
for my soul is darkened by disappointment
my countenance marred by shame
and though I long to escape to slumber
I want to arise and walk in the light of day

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