Brokenness

how do I hide my brokenness?
I don't want you to see
I don't want you to see
but my face is on display for the world
and my heart is wide open to you
my soul is transparent
and I couldn't conceal it even if I wanted to


I cower in shame
I run to the forest, hide in the trees
hoping your eyes will not catch a glimpse of me
wishing that I could disappear
vaporized by light and consumed by the fire
distinguished to powder to fertilize trees
and only remembered in transient moments
so wistful that my memory brings no sting


how do I hide my brokenness?
when it is poured out with tears
when in worship my soul is laid bare
when I hang down my head
though not in prayer; it is pleading
crying for mercy, for help in time of need


afraid this time you will forget me
reject me
lift me up before all like a naked man on a cross
a public example; my shame exposed
or will you cover me
clothe my rags in your righteousness
drape my shame in garments of light
deliver me from the torment of demons
and not treat me as my sins deserve


how do I hide my brokenness?
it is on display for all to see
though I cry out for mercy
I nurse only regret
and hope that my future is not spent
in never-ending seasons of lament
but restored with years for what's been stolen
and fulfilled with joy
for a heart that is now broken