Sadness

father, I come here, I come here looking for you

mother, I’m longing, longing to hold on to you

sister, I’ve fallen, I reach my hands out to you

brother, I’m speaking, I want to talk more deeply with you

it’s been a long time, still waiting

for the dream of my heart to be real

in the sadness of these moments, I’m thinking of you

because it’s been so long since I held you

so long since I felt your affections

your lips pressed against mine

now I’m aching for you, longing to hold you

to feel your arms around me and you within mine

in a quiet, wind blown meadow

I can hear and feel the hush of the flowers

as silence is their companion too

I’m at peace, just walking with you

but in that moment of brokenness

I am like the flower that has wilted

the lily of the field that has been trampled

the daisy that has lost its petals

I cry out in my brokenness

that the mountains would fall on me

how can I speak?  how can I dream?

how can I make a sound but the sound of sighing

like the train that has come home

the only sound is the sound of the steam, released

release I pray, release me from this cage

to once again hear the sound of joy and laughter

may the bones you have crushed, once again, rejoice

may they know the love of the moment

standing under the waterfall

gazing quietly by a fire on the beach

drifting like the deer, gliding through the trees

in the stillness of night I gaze at the moon

in these mountains, I see, the stars are so close

my soul weighed down, so I pray

don’t let the moon fall on me, crush me in its grasp

I am here, but the world is unaware

I came here, alone, I wish I could say not lonely

I came here to find my heart, to discover my soul

my heart is like the ocean, deep waters

who can know it, who can find it

there is so much more there, than what lies on the surface

but so often it seems, the surface things are in control

is there a brand new repentance

like the fresh dew of morning

or the fading sunlight of the evening

like the sound of the stream, gurgling past me

I hear the wind is calling, calling me, to sleep

to find myself in another place, a distant land, distant shore

somewhere on the other side of the earth

a place where there is only peace