January

the times I wish that you were here

you would know just what to do

now I am living in fear

and I just want to feel that peace which once surrounded me

I hold her close, and thank the Lord

looking back, wide-eyes with wonder

when I walked into the room I could feel the darkness

but when I saw you in the sanctuary

tears streaming down your face

I could feel the presence of God

and though the battle was fierce, I knew that He was real

I remember every moment, just like it was yesterday

I rode all over town, and back again

and how I wanted to please you

though I crashed, still, I brought the rose, unbroken

that was so long ago

now I face each day with fear

and I just want to feel that peace which once enveloped me

I hold her close, and thank the Lord

and she smiles and hugs me back

I wonder, will I ever, be free from the shackles and the chains

when I’ve cried out, and I still do and I still shout

and I’ve twirled around like a wild man

hoping to touch the face of heaven

dear Lord, will I ever

be free from fear and free from shame?

I rise up to greet you

but with every blow I’m taken back, to the ground

I am shaken, this giant unbeaten

I forget the days, when, like a child, I ran to the battle

that was before the long, cold journey

through the wilderness

and this desert has left its scar

and I wonder, if I’ll ever, be free from its shame

the heaviness laid upon my soul

ripped bare, I lift up my eyes

and wonder if I really have the strength

she places her hand in mine, and smiles

and I thank the Lord

Lord, come tonight and visit me

make the words that you have spoken real

let me see the day, when your word is not just memory

or a dream, of what might have been and all I hoped that it could be

but let it be alive in reality