Hope

I trusted You

in Your word I hoped

and I believed

with joy I received

I heard the sound of Your voice

and my spirit rejoiced

my heart leapt within me

and then You led me out from that place

into a vast wilderness

of deep affliction

and utter darkness

where the sound of Your voice was music to my soul

but around me was a crushing weight

that I was broken under

though it seemed I could not hear You

I remembered

You and all Your wonderful promises to me

You led me into a place of dreadful darkness

through times of tears and turmoil

you tested me

I drank deeply the cup of bitterness

it was gall in my mouth

and I wanted to despise the day of Your word

disdain the dream

pour contempt on all I have hoped for

but I could not and cannot

a prisoner I am

to the sound of hope

to the sound that I heard

in the cool of the night

when Your voice carried me

and reminded me

Your voice has carried me

even when silent to me

Your voice has buoyed my soul

given me wings to soar

as I wait on you in hope

darkness has been like a shell surrounding me

and I’ve been like a chick breaking free

a butterfly formed in blackness

stepping out into the light

it hurts my eyes

but, I remember, and I believe

what I thought was trust has been formed deeper in me

Lord, let me see, Your light again

Your word a lamp to my feet

illuminate the path before me

I trust in You

in Your word I hope

and I believe

with joy I receive

I have heard the sound of Your voice

and my spirit rejoices

my heart leaps within me

and You lead me out from this place

into a spacious land

a land of peace

Back to the Beginning

"For as in Adam all die, so in Christ all will be made alive."

I Corinthians 15:22

In many ways I had an ideal childhood.  Sometimes, when life gets hard, I long for the simpler days of being a kid again.  I’d like to be restored to that place of child-like innocence and wonder.

I grew up in small, safe, Midwestern towns.  As a boy I rode my bike all around town without fear (except for that dog that scared me once).  I played “Peanut” League and Little League baseball.  For practice my dad threw the ball to me from the middle of the street.  I hit it into a field next to a church.  Our backstop was our burn barrel.  If the ball went past the burn barrel I had to run after it and throw it back to my dad.

Besides baseball, I played with Lincoln Logs and Legos, enjoyed sleepovers with my best friend, Mike, and had a paper route.  Much of my paper route money was spent on sports cards.  Today, I have about 30,000 baseball, football, and basketball cards in boxes, most of which sit in a closet at my parent’s home in Michigan.

Sometimes on summer days we played in the woods down the street from the house, biked around town, bought candy and ice cream at a small convenience store called The Milk Depot,  ran through the sprinklers, or flung our bodies down the Slip-n-Slide in the backyard.

Not everything in my childhood was easy.  There were hard times.  My family had its share of struggles.  However, I don’t recall being burdened down by cares, worries, and disappointments.  In so many ways, my life was good.

And, in many ways, my life is still good.  But I have experienced my share of hardships, circumstances that seemed like setbacks, and disappointments.

These disappointments are an inevitable part of life.  Things do not always work out as we may have hoped they would.  We all make mistakes and bear the consequences.  Sometimes those mistakes cause our hearts to be weighed down by guilt and regret.  But I believe that the disappointments of life do not have to choke out our joy.  We can accept the love and forgiveness of God.  We can still experience the newness of life we felt when we first gave our hearts to Jesus.  We can live in the wonder of God’s amazing grace.

*the preceding was an excerpt from my book, Calling Out to Deep

Like a Child

Several years ago, while attending Christ for the Nations Institute, there was a period of time when I tried to get up early and spend some time in prayer.  Sometimes this resulted in me kneeling on a comfortable chair and drifting off into sleepiness.  But one morning God spoke to me.  He reminded me of when I was a young boy playing on the baseball team.  He reminded me of a swimming pool party our team had and how much carefree fun I had.  Then He said to me, “I want you to be like a child."

In one of my classes that very same morning, the teacher began talking about being like a child.  Obviously God was speaking to me.  The teacher shared the Scripture from Psalm 8:2 which says,

“From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise because of your enemies, to silence the foe and the avenger.”

It may seem odd, but in the midst of our battles we can be carefree like a child.  One of our best weapons is simply praising the Lord.

When I was in the 7^th through 9^th grades my friend Mike and I went to “Spiritual Warfare” camp.  It was intended to be like a spiritual boot camp for young people.  The time we looked forward to the most was the evening services, lingering at the altar and afterwards celebrating what God had done.

Looking back on those times, I’m not entirely certain I completely grasped the concept of spiritual warfare.  Perhaps I did more than I now remember.

I recall, on one occasion, sometime during Junior High or High School, Mike and I were walking to a small, wooden bridge where we used to pray sometimes.  The bridge was in his apartment complex, down the street from where he lived.  We decided to run to our place of prayer, shouting like we were going into battle.  It was our battle cry.  Did we grasp the reality of spiritual warfare?  Perhaps we did.  Perhaps, in our youthful innocence, we were just having fun.  And, perhaps, that’s just the way God wanted it to be.

Spiritual warfare is serious business, but there also needs to be joy in the fight.  There are real responsibilities that we need to accept with maturity.  God has not called us to be childish, but child-like.  God has not called us to live in denial of the battle, but not to be overly focused on it either.

Even in the midst of the battle we need times of lightheartedness and refreshing.  We can’t get so bogged down with everything around us - all the bad things going on in the world and the cares of this life.  We need to take the time to enjoy the simple things and the beauty of God’s creation.  We need to take time to rest in the Lord.    

*the preceding was an excerpt from my book, Calling Out to Deep

How I Long To See the Day

"For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God."
Romans 8:20-21

the night is spent in turning

the minutes are counted, each, one by one

as every passing moment is a reminder

of the hope I grasp for

the deliverance for which I long

for years I have labored under this burden

and longed for the day, for the moment

when You would bring release

in this deep and desperate bondage

I can hear the cry of freedom

it rings out like a far of call

and even though it seems so far away

I can hear it, I can feel it

and it stirs within me a hopeful longing

that it won’t be long

my oppression, You have surely seen

my cry, You have heard indeed

these taskmasters, of them You have taken notice

my sorrows, You have surely known

to bring me up out of this land, You have said You will

to a land flowing with milk and honey

how I long to see that day!

to a good and spacious land, You have proclaimed

my affliction, it has reached Your heart

with compassion, You have turned Your eyes

how I long to see the day

the day when all my fears are whisked away

this night another reminder

of how I have tossed and turned in affliction

this day, how I can reflect upon

the sorrows that have rolled over me

sorrows like billows roll

with the surging of the storm, I am troubled

with the swelling of the ocean, I lose my way

with the rolling of each wave, I am surrounded

I tumble with each heave

my soul rises up in me, I let out a cry

the wave settles on the other side, and I issue a sigh

another prayer, another offering

another request, grasping for some light

in this moment of distress

in the tumult of this darkness

from a far off cloud I hear a cry

it’s the cry of freedom

and it stirs something deep within my heart

the day of deliverance is soon at hand

how I long to see the day!

Remember Me

who will hold me, on a cold, winter night?

who will shelter me, be my everlasting comfort?

won’t You take me into Your arms

and whisper into my ears

won’t You surround me, while I sleep

be my angel, who guards me

and watches over me with eternal vigilance

be the One who keeps me, from all danger

from all fear, from all destruction

keep me from evil, I pray

and from all temptation

deliver me in my hour of torment

as I lift my soul up to You

like a baby who sleeps so tenderly in her crib

be the Father who watches over me

and won’t ever let me stray

tonight, I am praying, that You will hear my groaning

and remember

turn Your eyes and remember, like you remembered Israel of old

You heard the cry of their bondage

their deepest sighing and innermost moaning

little comfort to provide for themselves, they hoped

wrapped in their own lonely arms, they cried

and wept

deeply

bitterly

softly

sobbing, they cried out

and You remembered

tonight, Lord, I pray, remember

remember me, on a blustery pier

gazing out across snowy waters

tears and snot on my face

remember me

in the nights of my groaning

my desperate longings

looking up at the ceiling and hoping

that you would answer my cry

remember me

at the altars of my childhood

leaning on Your breast

longing to listen to Your heart

remember me

remember me in the hour of trial

on my face, on the carpet, wondering if I would make it

remember my tears

remember my love

remember my longing

turn Your eyes, Your face, I pray, and remember

Your covenant

Your promises

hide me in Your shelter tonight, I pray

and remind me

of unfailing love and never-ending mercy

remember me

northern night

northern sky

dancing lights

backdrop of darkness

sparkling pinpoints upon the blackness

ashes at my feet

I feel your heat

and add to you twigs and branches

puffs of oxygen

to fuel a fire

for this night is not the same without you

verdant shoreline

sandy, pebbled beach

your grit is in my fingertips

in you my toes find solace

my hands are your filter

and for this evening, you are my home

where is the boundary of the fire

as it fades into ebony?

might my soul find flight in you

may my spirit find quietness

may my mind find peace in your release

as you disappear into darkness

at the place where the day meets night

where the horizon waves goodbye to fading sunlight

and the freighter chugs proudly

no matter what time of day it is

wave, O wave – rolling onto Superior shore

come roll onto the shore of my heart

this beach is my banqueting table

His banner over me is Love

as the sounds of the northern night

gambol around me

and fill my mind with soothing memories

memories of northern nights

The Horn of Salvation

“I love you, Lord, my strength.
The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
     my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge,
     my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
I called to the Lord, who is worthy of praise,
     and I have been saved from my enemies.
Psalm 18:1-3

Sometimes, in the deep places of discouragement in life, we need someone to lift us up.  With no strength in ourselves, we are at the mercy of God.  We need God to be our rock, our fortress, our shield - the horn of our salvation. 

At a point where you may feel you cannot make it, God is your deliverer.  He is your shield against the enemy.  When He imparts His glory to you, you are lifted up and given the strength you need to carry on.    

According to the “Word Wealth” notes in my Bible*, the word “qeren” (English:  “horn”) refers to “A horn of an animal; a flask or cornet; a symbol of strength, power, and victory… Horned animals, such as oxen, goats, and rams, are symbols of strength.”  It goes on to say that the “‘horns of the altar’ (Lev. 4:7; 9:9; Ps. 118:27) are symbolic of the powerful presence of God.  The root from which qeren comes is qaran, ‘to have horns,’ ‘to shine.’”

What I like about the word “horn” is that it conveys both strength and glory.  In the throes of our deepest battles we need His strength and glory.  When you are being attacked by the enemy is when you need Him to be the horn of your salvation the most.  And when God shows up, when He acts on your behalf, He shows forth His strength and His glory in your life. 

It is in our places of deep brokenness, I believe, from which most emanates the glory of God.  Does not God glorify Himself through our brokenness?  As the Scripture says, “we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory” (Romans 8:17)

Being broken is hard.  It is not fun.  On my face before God, pleading with Him for help with tears, is not the goal of my life.  I want to dance on clouds of victory, not lie alone in my bedroom crying out to God for help to make it another day.  But I believe my deep place of brokenness and agony before God, my place of anguish and turmoil; the valley of greatest darkness and despair, shall become a field of glory. 

The light of His unfailing love and mercy will shine on you and me.  He will lift us up from the shadows, and set us on a firm and stable place.  He is our rock, our strength.  He is our fortress, in whom we take refuge.  He is our shield and stronghold – the horn of our salvation! 

*The New Spirit Filled Life Bible, NKJV